Before you all say anything, I know, I know! It’s been such a long time, but I’m like totally touched that you all are here. And I’m totally willing to forget that butt call Lorraine made to me. Yes, Suzy, I heard you all saying I’m not a girl’s girl and I’m desperate and pathetic (though I’m sure I don’t know what being a communications major has to do with anything!) Don’t choke on your cheesecake pop, Suzy. It’s cool. I understand about projection. Anyway. It’s true, I fell deep into a love hole and I won’t apologize. Charles was the whole package. All-American, clean-cut, intelligent. Mostly though it was the little things, the little quirks: how he loved Planters peanuts and fruit cocktail in a can. I’m sorry I’m, I’m getting emotional, I’m just still in shock about everything. I guess there were signs that things weren’t quite right- he did drag that bloody deer corpse back to his dorm room. But you know hunting was his hobby and if people could see the state of my scrap-booking room…well let’s just say who am I to judge? So yes, I turned a blind eye to that, because we were so in love. I truly thought I was going to be his wife. But it couldn’t be because, because … I found out he was a monster! There was ALREADY a Mrs. Whitman!!! When I found out, he told me they wouldn’t be together much longer. But of course, I left him. I’m not an idiot after all.
Why yes, I did say Charles Whitman. Why do you ask? Yes of course that’s the reason I’m upset! A secret wife isn’t enough??? No, I haven’t heard anything else about him. I am strictly no contact right now-it’s called a break up because it’s broken Suzy. You’d do well to remember that with…? What! No, I don’t know anything about any mass shooting. What a thing to say, what a terrible joke. I mean, really. If I wasn’t a “girl’s girl” could anyone blame me? So catty and jealous! I just don’t believe it, not my Chuckles. He was an alter boy and an Eagle Scout and a Marine and sharpshooter….oh. Oh my god. But so you are saying he’s single now?
I can change him.
