Surprise!  Hey Mom and Dad!  Woah, mom, relax it’s just me-  Don’t have a thrombo!  With the key in the old flower pot of course.  Why would you move it? Anyway you didn’t, it was still there. Getting forgetful there mom.  Time for a crossword puzzle a day with a gingko chaser I guess.  So you guys WERE playing golf. You all weren’t here so I  drove by the club but didn’t see the beemer there.  The PUBLIC course?  Ewwwwwwww?  Why? Also where’s the beemer?  Whose hyundai is that outside? Also, where’s most of the furniture and art and stuff? Are you guys remodeling?  I mean you could have told me.  Well whatever, we can talk about that later. Hopefully, over a meal- I can’t believe the slim pickings here.  All I found was a wheel of cheese.  Is this some weird South Beach thing? Anyway, here it goes.  Mom and Dad, I have something to tell you.  I know you’ve haven’t approved of all my choices, but I want you know I’m finally settling down.  I’ve found a wonderful wonderful man. Dad, what’s wrong with mom? Why is she laughing like that? It’s totally creepy, is she back on the dolls?  No, you’re right, I’m sorry, Mom, but just listen!  He’s not like the others I swear!  He’s successful and smart and he’s waiting outside.  Come on in Bernie.  Bernie, these are my parents.  Mom and Dad, this is Bernie Madoff.

Oh my god! Oh my god!  Mom! What is Dad doing!  Let him go dad! He’s strangling Bernie!  Get off him, Dad!  Mom stop him!  No STOP DAD!  Hit dad with the golf club, not Bernie!  What’s happening!?  He did what?  I can’t understand you! Dad, lost how much!?  Okay, okay, that’s bad I admit.  But let him go, his eyes are bulging. His beautiful brown puppy dog eyes…

I can change him.